Tips to Talking to Your Parents About Aging Issues

By Sue Cunningham, Certified Senior Advisor

Tip #1

Q: Mom still lives alone and she's getting careless in the kitchen. She has forgotten to turn off the stove several times. What can I do?

A: It is always best, if appropriate; to first approach your mom to see if she is aware of what she is doing. Maybe she has a lot on her mind?

But if she is truly getting "forgetful," it may be time to have her evaluated for a mini-mental test from her neurologist to evaluate her memory.

You may also have to unplug the stove if things are really serious.

Alternative methods to provide meals will then need to be addressed.

Tip #2

Q: How do I talk to my parents about their driving? I'm scared not only for them but for others, as well.

A: "Taking away the keys" from anyone who values and needs their car to maintain their independence (and that is almost everyone) is always difficult, especially if the person does not agree it is necessary. If that is the case, you can try bringing in reinforcements:
*At the next doctor visit, ask the senior's doctor to "write a prescription" that says the senior can no longer drive.
*Have a family meeting with the senior present to explain why the family feels it is necessary; you will need to have alternative methods of transportation available.
*Check with your local Department of Motor Vehicles to see if they have a policy in place that addresses this issue.

Tip #3

Q: How can I communicate better with my grandmother as her hearing and eyesight begins to fade but who still wants to live in her home?

A: For her eyesight concerns, check with your local library to see if they have large print books. Ask them about the availability of audio books and if they can be mailed to the senior's home. In most states this is a free service but it must be verified and endorsed by a physician.

For her hearing concerns, get a phone with not only an extra loud ringer, but also with a light on it that blinks when the phone rings. You can also purchase speakerphones that eliminate the need to take out hearing aids when answering the phone. And don't forget the voice activated inline phone dialer that automatically dials the number when a name is spoken. Check with your local electronics store.

Tip #4

Q: My parents are having a hard time doing yard work. At 80, Dad admits he is struggling with lawn equipment. But he doesn't want to "let go" yet.

A: It is never easy for any of us to "let go." And most seniors don't want to spend the money to get help when it is needed.

If the family is in a position to assist, they can divide up the work.

Some families have teenaged grandchildren who want some extra money. See if they will help out.

Some churches provide volunteers who will make minor repairs or do simple yard work. Some state organizations, such as Senior Services (see your local phone book) provide help based on the income of the senior.

Especially in the summer, check with local high schools who may have students looking for some summer work.

Copyright 2005

These tips are from the PDF booklet titled, How to Talk To Your Parents About Almost Anything…52 weeks of the year written by Sue Cunningham, Certified Senior Advisor, founder and President of Senior Resources Group, Inc. (www.seniorresourcesgroup.com). The booklet is available for $9 from her site. Sue is a columnist, presenter and author of the book, Unwrapping the Sandwich Generation…life vignettes about seniors and their adult children as they face aging issues. The book is available from the author for $14.95 (plus s & h) or go to www.amazon.com.